Dr. Seuss, Sick Kids and Jesus

This morning started out great. The kids were so excited because it was Dr. Seuss Reading Day at school. Here they are this morning.

Just a little while later I was called by the school because Gracie became very ill. Her fever shot up to 103, she had a strange rash on her body and the chills. I arrived at school to find her shivering under a blanket and pale as a ghost. John and I rushed her to Urgent Care and spent the next few hours waiting. Poor baby kept falling asleep until the doctor came in and poked her again. She is still feverish but resting. Now Patrick says he is not feeling well. You know what that means. This is my bed tonight..

No husband just two sweaty and sick children. John's on the couch.
Me? I'm squshed in a little tiny corner on the edge of the bed.

All day long, Gracie held on to her stuffed Jesus doll.

I think he's pretty funny looking. Check out the sandals and velcro hands so he can hold onto his very own little "Lamb of God".
(Note deep theological mystery. Is Jesus holding himself??)

Before Grace went to bed she declared "Jesus since you have taken care of me all day, now I'm gonna take care of you". She then proceeded to make him and the lamb their very own bed in my desk drawers.

“Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
Matthew 8:19-21

Tonight, Jesus will sleep just fine. Me?...Not so much.

Sunday Funday!!

I promised the kids that I would spend special one-on-one time with each of them this weekend. Sunday was Gracie's day and she got to choose to do whatever she wanted. She asked for a "spa" day like her Titi Sonali and I had recently. We went out for a delicious lunch and then headed to the mall. First stop....she wanted to get her ears pierced!!!!! So if you are Puerto Rican, like me, you know that girls in our culture have their ears pierced within a few weeks of birth. My mother was not pleased when I chose to wait (she had bought Grace her first pair of earrings before she was born). Well, after discussing it with my Irish husband we agreed it would be okay. Gracie was beyond thrilled!!

A little apprehensive at first and a few tears but she was thrilled with the finished product.
She picked these cute little pink crystal flower earrings.

Next some shopping for new sneakers.

How much do I love these adorable sparkly pink high tops! And yes she is a size 13 and a half at 5 years old. I tell her the bigger the foot the better the foundation!

Final stop. A real spa pedicure.

She picked the most outrageous sparkly hot pink you could imagine! and voila..

Just fabulous!!

My mother rarely taught me self care and the importance of treating myself nicely. She grew up during the depression with no shoes, a discarded doll's head as her only toy and very little to eat. Her life was about survival and that she taught me very well. I am glad she passed things like sacrifice and a strong work ethic onto me...but I have often struggled with the simple pleasures of self care. The greatest gift I can offer my Grace is BALANCE...hard work and a generous life to feel proud of and enough PINK SPARKLE and spa days to learn to love the most important person..HERSELF!

I Love You Forever

Most mothers of sons know this book well. I used to read it to Patrick all the time and cried every time I did. So much so, in fact, that he would call it "the book that makes you cry mommy". It's a lovely story of a mom's pure adoration for her son. I am thinking about him today and how much I love him. He is 9 and smart and full of the most spectacular energy and life and light. He's also at the age where he must pull away from mommy and that hurts sometimes ...more sass and attitude less hugs and kisses. I miss him today. My beautiful, beautiful boy...


We flew to Washington, DC this summer. Just Patty and mom. We had so much fun.


At the Lincoln Memorial--Shakes and Burgers at Johnny Rockets--Doritos are his favorite

We visited lots of museums at the Smithsonian.

After visiting the spy museum he thought he was James Bond!

We stayed up late, watched movies and ate junk food in our hotel room!! He also drove me crazy until I agreed to buy him "Axe" body spray :) What a bod!

The song in the book says...

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.."

No matter how grown he gets, that will always be true.

A Princess Tea

Gracie turned 5 today. When I asked her what theme she wanted for her party, she said she wanted a princess tea party. Well that is right up my alley, so we spent the last month scouring thrift shops and garage sales to find just the right tea pots, tea cups, china, linens and accessories for her special day. We also scored the perfect princess dress for $1 at a yard sale. We had a wonderful time, just Gracie and her 5 best girlfriends.

A lovely setting in our backyard.

Yummy Treats.

Girlfriends

Patrick joined the party despite Gracie's "No Smelly Boys" rule. He was very sweet and helpful pushing his sister's friends on the swing.

Her Happy Dance

Remember how great it felt to fly?

Happy Birthday my sweet girl!!


Don't grow up too fast.

Have you seen this woman??

These are my last few days at the ministry I birthed, nurtured and grew over the past 17 years. Actually I should say that the ministry birthed, nurtured and grew ME over the past 17 years. I am a changed person because of all of the experiences and beautiful people that have shaped my life. I went home to the South Bronx thinking I would save people, but the reality is that they saved me. ME. That is who I struggle with at this moment. While I loved my work, I have somehow lost MYSELF in it. I find myself feeling like there is no ground under me. What do I stand on? Who am I outside of all of this that has so defined me for so long? I keep asking God to reveal that next great thing I am supposed to do with my life...God keeps pointing back to me. I keep reminding Him of all there is to do and how much I can give...and God just keeps pointing back to me. I must spend some time with ME...Now that's a scary thought. Give me any other mission God, I'll gladly save the planet but not that. So here I am riding the tears and waves of emotion. I ride this wave of grief that keeps washing me back on the shore of MYSELF...what a vast and unfamiliar place I have become.
I was in Minnesota recently speaking at a lovely church. While there I was blessed to spend a day of "grace" with an extraordinary soul and spiritual director named Julie Nerras. Julie gave me many gifts on that day. This poem is one I particularly love..

Love after Love

The time will come when with elation
You will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome and say,
sit here, EAT
You will love again the stranger who was yourself
Give wine, Give bread, Give back
Your heart to itself
To the stranger who has loved you all your life
Who you ignored for another
Who knows you by heart
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf
The photographs, the desperate notes
Peel away your own image from the mirror
Sit, feast on your life.

Look Who's a Big Girl

We are celebrating many wonderful graduations this spring. The children of my dearest sisters are all grown up. Matthew F. is going to high school and Joshua, Matthew T. and E.J. are headed to college...and me...well I got a later start and today my BIG girl Gracie graduated from pre-school. My heart was full of pride and my eyes were filled with tears...what on EARTH will I do when she goes to college.

She was voted Miss Enchanted and Most Carefree
Enchanted and Carefree...Those are fabulous qualities don't you agree?



Here she is with her mom...voted Miss Anxiety and Most Stressed Out!!
When I grow up I want to be more like Grace.



Gracie says the most important thing she learned in pre-school was about poison...okay important stuff.
Her favorite pre-school toys were the "bouncy" things...she is Patrick's sister after all,
and she is sure she wants to be a nurse when she grows up.


Her first best friend Morgan. I have wonderful BFF's for 30 years.
May she be as blessed!!

May she always be as happy as she was eating her watermelon ice cream at Friendly's today.
May she grow up to be as wonderful as all of her grown up cousins who are also graduating.
Look out world...Here she comes!!

Catching up - 15 posts in 1

Life has been just crazy the last 8 weeks and I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. I am plagued by perfectionism and if I can't do something well and consistently I would rather not do it at all. I know this is terrible but true and one of those things midlife is asking me to examine and do something about. Normally, I would just quit blogging because I would feel too overwhelmed to catch up. I started many a diary when I was a kid but if I missed too many days and did not write, I would just give up because I felt I could never catch up. My room was filled with many incomplete journals (still is) because, of course, when I got motivated to write again I had to start with a fresh new journal. So in the spirit of giving myself a break and not quitting, I give you (in no particular order) the top 15 things I wish I had blogged about over the past 2 months ...

1. Celebrated John's 43rd birthday

2. Found these 2 pink marble tables for $30 each. Refinished and LOVE them.

3. Made this garden chandelier for my friend Terry.
Loved doing it. So much fun to be creative.

4. Completed the biannual winter to summer clothes switch for me, the kids and John. Sorted what no longer fit and what we did not wear and planned my first yard sale.

5. Planted flower boxes and hanging plants outside the house and decks. Planted some annuals and am beginning to plan a perennial garden.
Did I mention this is my first spring in my first home!!

6. Slip covered my chaise with my mom.

7. Celebrated my dad's 71st birthday. Gave him a sign that reads "I'd worry about getting older but I'm just so darn sexy" This is his "I'm sexy" pose!!

8. Cried as an ambulance took him away just a few days later. Visited him a week in the hospital while he recuperated from having his gall bladder removed.
Thank God all is well again.

9. Planned Gracie's 5th birthday Princess Tea Party (more to come)

10. Caught Gracie playing and taking a nap in her doll house. Notice her head in the dollhouse bedroom, her bed is a laundry basket and gotta love the eye mask on her head!
I just want to eat her up she is so delicious!!

11. Traveled for work to New Mexico, Los Angeles, Minnesota, Philadelphia, Princeton, Washington, DC twice (am here again now) and next week to Detroit.
I am not loving hotel rooms!!

12. Treated myself to a one day retreat at the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque. I spent time in their meditation garden and walked a labyrinth for the first time. The place is called "Stillpoint" to remind us that in our crazy and busy world, God is always the still point. Just lovely .

13. Became a published author. I wrote chapter two of this book. Check out www.whatwesee.org for more info and reviews.

14. Hosted a Mother's Day Celebration for my girlfriends and their moms. Much fun!!

15. Tried my best to be a good mom, daughter, sister, wife, executive director, writer, public speaker and friend all while practicing being kind to MYSELF and growing and learning at perimenopausal midlife.
Have surely failed some but these are the things I will never give up on!!